Are You Loving Yourself or Are You Being Selfish?
Through a coaching process, these question popped up, “What does honour yourself means?” and “What is self love?”. Putting too much emphasis on self could be seen as being selfish, but neglecting our self and our needs may be felt by our surrounding environment or people we interact with and thereby impact how they would interact with us.
But before we get into this perspective, let me share more why we are talking about self love here.
Battling For Self Respect
Have you been in a situation when you felt that you are not being respected for the work you do? In a work situation when you cannot work well with your colleagues or superior who seem to “gloss over” your achievements, and play down the work you do? Or you find yourself spending a lot of time judging them and bothered by all these for few days or weeks after each incident?
I recalled this situation I had many years back and in one of the sessions, my coach said this, “First ask yourself why are you bothered by this? Do you first give yourself the respect you need without the need first from others?”. This then led me to work on what it means in practice to respect ourself and the work we do. To me it means to practice these in this sequence: Self Respect is,
1. FACE ourself and ask questions
2. Being open to ACKNOWLEDGE our strengths and weaknesses
3. Empower ourself to learn more on what we need
4. Encourage ourself with positive reinforcements and intentions
5. Each time we gift ourself with what we need, we give out to another person who needs encouragement
The act of bringing the attention back to oneself is not being selfish. It’s about FACING up to what we experienced, and ask resourceful questions – what is it really, what do we really need, and what could be possible. My coach also asked this, “When you spent so much time judging the people and situations, are you escaping from what you really need to do for yourself?” Changing our mindset of how we see things, asking what we could have done with the same scenario opens up to a new possibility. Are we instead escaping from what we need to be and do?
After this shift, I noticed I started to act differently with my colleagues and superior. Without the time spent on judging and brooding, I found new avenues to improve my skills and what I wanted to proceed in my career. I responded differently, with more confidence, to my superior. Slowly and surely, things changed. It’s like I ride on with the waves, and it started moving…
Daily Self Love
One of the effective ways of changing mindset is to use the word we normally seen in a negative situation, and give it a new meaning by replacing each letter with a positive statement. For example, this is what SELFISH means to me –
We all have different routine of how we express our self love and honour what we do in our life. What are your ways to practicing self love?
If you have a word of a challenge you are facing with right now, can you come up with a positive rendition of it? Share with me…