Happy Marriage and Fate?
In the midst of sharing what it means to live life consciously and design it creatively with passion, also in the department of love and happy marriage, a friend of mine commented “well for this area, I would leave it to the universe, I believe “It” will arrange the moment for two of us to meet”. I was taken aback. Because going through the many years of process – from relationship setbacks, closed up my world and another decade of marriage I now believe in conscious effort, actively maintaining the relationship through my whole mind body mental physical juices. Because relationship could be fragile, our emotions, words, actions move people, … Alright but for now, let’s get back to this – do you agree with the universe making it happen? Some say, do you leave it to fate?
To understand where she is coming from, I retraced my memories to what I personally experienced. Aha! Yes there was a moment in my life I said the exact words – “it’s up to fate when and if I meet the “right” one” “the special chemistry between two persons in a marriage is not up to us” “the special someone, THE ONE will show up at the right time”. When the going gets tough, when I thought that I was “down in luck” in the department of love, I declared all these “just no one interests me” and “that special someone is hidden somewhere”. The truth is, I was the one being hidden from all there is the love out there. I was hidden! I hid myself behind these limiting beliefs, I used the universe and “special predefined chemistry” out there as an excuse that I hadn’t or couldn’t meet that special someone yet. The defining moment came, after my mentor guided me and ignited my interest in reading this book “Receiving Love“. I became honest at myself, and said this to self “loads of crap, admit it, you are just being negative, you don’t believe in something, dig deeper!”. What is this something within me? What is hidden there? I read the book and more inner healing sessions begin.
I had hurts of past divorce, I didn’t believe that man with qualities I’d love to have exist, but beneath these, I did not know how to love myself, how to accept myself, I did not accept and love my own qualities. When I can start to accept myself and love the present state of being, I started to understand why the relationships happened the way they were, why I was pushing men away, why I didn’t feel attracted to them, why I felt there was no special someone.
The way I met my special someone, the state of mind and heart just couldn’t be justified simply by saying “it’s up to fate” “there is only THE ONE arranged by the universe for us to meet”. We cannot hide behind limiting beliefs, magic of the stars and universe, and chemistry that cannot be felt and cultivated with our own hearts. It has to come from us, the journey in our hands and heart.
It Is Not Them, It Is You
We have to fall in love in ourself, then anyone around you has a possibility to be that special someone in your life. This feeling, passion and love is self cultivated. This so-called “chemistry” is self cultivated. When we get to talk to couples who have been in at least ten years of marriage, what makes it special and how they see the journey ahead. Many often bring forth the qualities of forgiveness, every day effort and generosity. It is conscious effort and choice what we choose to act one way or other. It is cultivating and growing the love – just like planting and nurturing a seed to a tree. The challenges in life, and how we have to transform them creatively is a conscious decision and clarity made each moment of the journey. Passion, love and authenticity cannot brew in a pot of obscure stars, universe and unconnected chemistry. The chemistry is brewed through our heart, mind and soul.
There are many ways to the path of a fulfilling marriage, I believe in breaking down the barriers in limiting beliefs to love and fulfilling relationships. I believe in not letting fate or universe decide how I am meeting that special someone, how I can keep the love going strong, how I can continue to have that special chemistry. It is up to my creativity and self nurturing conscious effort that is going to decide how long I am going to ride on this fulfilling journey.
Please don’t leave it to fate.