How many times have we taken someone’s remarks or behavior personally and reacted negatively towards it?
This week I read an interesting article posted by a friend about how a wife has chosen the path of not taking her husband’s confession personally on his lost of love for her and strive for a happy marriage. This is naturally a very hard to swallow “truth” to be told by your partner but she decided to give him 6 months. And in the end, with her support, he sorted out his internal struggle and came back to the marriage a different man. Read more about this article how she reacted to the whole situation and stay truth to self development and supporting him in uncovering the real truth behind the “lost of love”.
I certainly learnt alot through this article … similiar to what I’ve always practiced, being a watcher of a situation rather than a reactor, allows us to view a situation without jumping into judgements or taking it as a personal remark of self, we can then be true to our nature and not sabotage ourselves indirectly and unnecessarily.
Here is a personal life story from one of my mentor who tells how simple a remark can impact a person’s life tremendously when taken personally and unneccessarily:
I know words and deeds feel really personal, but actually it’s only a reflection of our own filters – what we choose to hear and reflect upon our personal experiences. Here’s a quick example:
When I was 16 I created an amazing coffee table as part of my final woodwork exam in school. When I went for my first interview, I got together my portfolio pictures and my Dad told me to tell the interviewer that it was the first big piece of furniture I had made.
Because of the relationship I had with my Dad (mostly inside my head), I took that comment as an insult, my interpretation was this: Tell the interviewer it’s the first big piece that you made because it’s not really very good and he will feel sorry for you.
Years later my Dad made a replica of my coffee table, long after the original had been lost in moves and separations. When we talked about it he told me how amazing he thought the original was and how proud of me he was.
It was only then that I realised how my filter had caused me to take something as a personal insult when what my Dad was really saying was this: Tell the interviewer it’s the first big piece that you made because it’s really amazing and if you can do this as your first piece think how much better you will get with training and practice.
So beloved, just for today, no matter what it seems like, don’t take anything personally.
Juliet Vorster, D.D.